Emotional baggage: Loving someone through their healing

Hatmah Nalugwa Ssekaaya
Assalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
Amina and Zayd sit on their small veranda after Isha prayer. The night is calm, but heavy with
unspoken words. The glow from a lantern casts soft shadows on their tea mugs.
Amina: (quietly stirring her tea) You’ve been… distant lately, Zayd.
Zayd: (sighs, then leans back) I know. I’ve just been… in my head. It’s not you. It’s… things I thought I
had dealt with.
Amina: You mean from before we met?
Zayd: (nods slowly) My last relationship left me feeling… not enough. Like I always had to prove my
worth or I’d be discarded. I thought I was past it. But now that we’re married, it’s like all those
insecurities are louder.
Amina: “Zayd…(places her hand over his) “You don’t have to pretend here. This home — our home
— is not a performance stage.
Zayd: (his voice cracks slightly) I just don’t want to bring my mess into this. You deserve someone
whole.
Amina: And who said I needed you to be perfect? The Prophet (s.a.w) loved people in all their
humanness. Even those with the heaviest burdens. I didn’t marry your perfection. I married you.
Zayd: (blinks back emotion) I’m trying, Amina. Some days it feels like I’m winning. Others, like I’m
drowning.
Amina: Then on the days you’re drowning, I’ll be your lifeboat. And on the days, you’re winning, I’ll
cheer the loudest. (smiles softly) But let me in. Let me walk this healing journey with you. You’re not
alone anymore.
Zayd: (leans in, forehead to hers) Thank you. For being my safe place. May Allah reward you.
Amina: Ameen. And may He heal you completely. But even now, wounded and all — I choose you.
Loving someone who carries emotional baggage is not for the faint-hearted — but it is possible. And
dare I say, it can be beautiful too. Our relationships are not just about the good times. They’re about
helping one another become better versions of ourselves — in love, in life, and most importantly, in
faith.
Baggage is not a Red flag. It’s reality.
Let’s face it: we all come with something. Childhood scars, failed relationships, abandonment issues,
trust concerns. Life has shaped us in ways we didn’t always choose. And so, when you love someone
who is healing, remember this: they are trying. Every day to be present, to trust again, to believe in
love — with you.
As Muslims, we are taught to see others with rahma (mercy) and to support one another with sabr
(patience). Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) said:

“None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”
(Bukhari & Muslim)
What would you want if you were the one healing? A partner who listens. One who doesn’t shame
you for your past. Someone who holds space for your growth, without rushing your process.
Communicate with compassion
Healing doesn’t follow a straight path. Some days they’ll be fine. Other days, they’ll seem distant,
guarded, or overwhelmed by emotions even they don’t fully understand. Don't take it personal. And
please — don’t diagnose or fix. Instead, listen. Say: “I may not understand everything, but I am here.
And I care.”
Make room for honest conversations, even if they’re uncomfortable. You don’t have to walk on
eggshells. Just walk beside them.
Turn to faith together
There is nothing more powerful than being part of someone’s healing by reminding them of Allah’s
mercy.
“Do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins.”
(Qur'an 39:53)
Encourage praying together. Share a verse that uplifted you. Hold their hand in du’a after Maghrib.
Let them know: “You don’t have to carry this alone. Allah sees you — and so do I.”
Spiritual intimacy can be more healing than any therapy session. Let your relationship be a place of
gentle reminders, where love pulls both of you closer to Jannah.
A Hatmahz Kitchen Analogy…
You know, when you walk into Hatmahz Kitchen on a busy day, you will see organized chaos. Dishes
everywhere, ingredients flying, pots bubbling. It may look like a mess — but trust me, something
beautiful is being cooked.
Love during healing feels just like that. It’s not always neat. There might be missteps, delays, even
tears. But something nourishing is being built. Something that, with time and the right ingredients —
patience, understanding, and faith — becomes soul food.
Please don’t forget your own needs
Loving someone through their healing doesn’t mean abandoning yourself. You need support too.
You need check-ins, boundaries, and room to breathe. It’s okay to say: “I am here for you, but I also
need…” Balance your giving with self-awareness. After all, you’re not their saviour but rather, you’re
their partner. Their ally. Their safe space — not their therapist. And remember: even the most
wounded heart can love deeply — once it feels safe.
Final Thoughts
Emotional baggage doesn’t mean someone is broken. It means they have lived. And loving someone
through their healing is not about fixing them — it’s about showing up with empathy and
commitment, one day at a time.
In the words of Rumi:

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
So, if you find yourself loving someone who is still unpacking their pain — be gentle. Be patient. Be
real. And when in doubt, go back to the best example we have — the Prophet (S.A.W) who loved
with kindness, lifted the burdened, and always saw potential in the hurting. Your love story doesn’t
have to be perfect. It just has to be true.