Flirting with your spouse: Halal, healthy, and recommended
By Hatmah Nalugwa Ssekaaya
Assalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
When we hear the word “flirting,” most people think of high school crushes, secret glances, or awkward DMs from strangers. But in the sacred space of marriage, flirting is not just allowed, it’s encouraged.
It is not haram. It’s not immature. It is sunnah. And more than that, it’s a love language that can revive tired routines and reconnect hearts that may have grown distant.
Here is the truth: You can flirt with your spouse. And you should.
Halal flirting? Absolutely.
In Islam, romantic affection between spouses is not only permitted but beautifully modelled by the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). His relationship with Aisha (RA) was full of tender playfulness, jokes, and emotional intimacy.
“The Messenger of Allah would drink from the same place I drank from, and he would put his lips on the same place on the cup.”
— Aisha (RA), Sahih Muslim
This wasn’t just about physical closeness. It was about love expressed in small, romantic ways.
He raced with her. He teased her affectionately. He called her sweet nicknames. This is the gold standard of halal romance.
But we are too “grown” for that…
Many couples, especially in our Ugandan context, quietly assume that flirting is for the young, or the Westernized. Life gets busy. There are children to raise, bills to pay, in-laws to impress.
But here is the secret: you never outgrow your need to feel desired, adored, and chosen again. Flirting is a way to say:
“Even after all this time, I still see you. I still want you. I still like you.”
REAL-LIFE SCENE: Love, Laughter, and Luwombo.
“So, Mr. Chef, when will I get your famous luwombo again?” Hajara teased as she leaned on the kitchen doorway.
“Only when you agree to a dinner date. No kids, no phones, just you and your irresistible smile,” Yusuf replied with a grin.
She laughed. “You better prepare that luwombo then.”
So, you see! Flirting is the spice. The low-key game. The rekindling. And this is why it matters;
- It rekindles attraction: Long-term love needs gentle reminders that you still see each other that way.
- It softens the atmosphere: In stressful seasons, playful flirtation can ease tension and restore connection.
- It boosts confidence: A sincere compliment can lift your spouse in ways even money cannot.
- It builds emotional intimacy: Flirtation is about more than physical attraction. It’s about emotional closeness.
Simple ways to flirt (without trying too hard)
- Text something cheeky during the day
“Just thinking about that smile of yours. Still melts me.” - Give compliments—out loud
Not just “You look nice.” But instead, say, “I love the way you walk into a room like you own it.” - Use nicknames
Bring back pet names, even if they sound silly. They create intimacy only the two of you share. - Playfully tease
Light, kind teasing shows you know each other deeply, and lovingly. - Send a voice note or selfie
Keep it simple, playful, halal. Even a wink emoji can spark a smile. - Plan a surprise
A handwritten note. A favourite snack. A walk after Maghrib. Surprise is flirtation’s best friend.
The Prophet (PBUH) said:
“The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family.” – (Sunan Ibn Majah)
Being “best” doesn’t mean only paying bills or attending functions. It means showing up with kindness, tenderness, and yes—romantic effort.
From Hatmahz Kitchen…
We once had a customer send a note with his takeaway order: “Tell my wife this is only a starter. The main course is me, after I put the kids to sleep.”
We smiled, packed the food… and silently cheered for that marriage.
Flirting with your spouse doesn’t require a vacation or roses from Naalya. It just takes intention. So today, slide closer. Smile with that glint in your eye. Remind them they are still the one. Because love grows where laughter, affection, and playful energy live. And in this dunya full of stress, flirting with your spouse may just be the most halal joy there is, ever. Subuhana Allah! May Allah make it easy for all of us, Ameen.
