Love languages, sunnah style

By Hatmah Nalugwa Ssekaaya

Assalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

They say love is a language. One that some speak fluently, and others struggle to translate. But when love is guided by din, it becomes more than emotion. It becomes ‘ibaadah — an act of worship.

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) didn’t just say “I love you.” He always showed it — in the way he listened, served, smiled, and gave. He (PBUH) was fluent in love.

Words of Affirmation — Love in the Form of Kindness

A kind word can heal a tired heart faster than any apology. The Prophet (PBUH) understood this deeply. He once told Aisha (RA):

“I know when you are pleased with me and when you are angry.” She asked, “How do you know that?” He replied, “When you are pleased, you say, ‘By the Lord of Muhammad,’ and when you are angry, you say, ‘By the Lord of Ibrahim.’” She smiled and said, “Yes, by Allah, I only leave out your name.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

Even in light teasing, there was affection, attention, and reassurance. His words lifted her — never broke her.

In a world where sarcasm and harsh tone have become normal, we forget that gentle words are sunnah. So, speak life into your spouse. Tell them they are appreciated, that they matter. A word can build the peace of a whole day.

“And speak to people good words.” (Qur’an 2:83)

Acts of service — love in action

For some hearts, love is not proven through words. It is seen through help. The Prophet (PBUH) was not above service. He did not only lead the Ummah — he helped at home too.

Aisha (RA) was asked what he used to do in his house, and she said:

“He used to serve his family; and when it was time for prayer, he would go out together to pray.” (Bukhari)

Folding a blanket. Bringing a cup of tea. Fixing a small thing without being asked, these are not chores — they are love performed with humility.

In Islam, service is not servitude. It is rahmah (mercy). And mercy is the heartbeat of marriage. Always remember;

“The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (Tirmidhi)

Quality Time — Love in Presence

Time is the currency of attention. Many couples live under one roof but hardly see each other! Eyes on phones, hearts on autopilot. Yet the Prophet (PBUH) gave his time with full presence. He listened, laughed, and travelled with his wives. He raced with Aisha (RA), sat with them during meals, and conversed with sincerity.

To spend time is not just to be physically near. It is to be there. To listen without distraction, to laugh without hurry, to make your spouse feel like no one else exists for that moment.

“The most beloved of people to Allah are those who bring the most benefit to others.” (al-Daraqutni).

And what greater benefit than giving your spouse your undivided attention? Presence, not presents, is what nourishes love.

Physical touch — love in comfort

The Prophet (PBUH) was gentle and affectionate. He held hands, leaned on his wives, and showed warmth publicly and privately. Aisha (RA) said:

“The Prophet (PBUH) would recline in my lap and recite Qur’an.” (Bukhari)

That quiet physical connection is respectful, soft, and comforting. It creates emotional safety.

In marriage, halal touch is not just about passion, It’s about peace. A touch on the shoulder, a hug after prayer, a reassuring hand when one is anxious — these are silent duas for calm.

Gifts — love in the little things

The Prophet (PBUH) said:

“Exchange gifts, for it increases love between you.” (Bukhari)

A gift doesn’t need to be grand. It could be a sweet note in their lunchbox, a favourite fruit from the market, a verse shared that reminded you of them. The value is not in the cost — it’s in the intention. It says: I thought of you. I made an effort for you.

In our fast lives, love often fades not because we stop caring, but because we stop showing it. And yet showing love is sunnah.

Learning your spouse’s language

Sometimes, we give love the way we wish to receive it, not realizing our spouse speaks a different language. You may serve them tirelessly, but they long for words. You may praise them daily, but they crave time.

The key is to observe, ask, and adapt. True love is not insisting that your way is enough. It is learning how their heart feels most loved.

When love becomes intentional, it becomes ibaadah. When you speak it for Allah’s sake, it becomes reward.

In the quiet of the heart

The Prophet (PBUH) said:

“The most perfect of believers in faith are those best in character, and the best of you are those who are best to their women.” (Tirmidhi)

Marriage is not just companionship. It is a classroom of mercy. Every kind word, every act of care, every patient silence becomes a lesson in faith.

My dear reader, which love language do you think your spouse hears most clearly, and how can you speak it more often, for Allah’s sake?