Loving on purpose: Setting intentions for the year ahead

I have learned that love rarely breaks all at once. More often, it fades quietly. Not because people stop caring, but because life becomes loud. Responsibilities multiply. Fatigue settles in. Days are survived instead of shared. And before we notice, love begins running on autopilot.

This realization stayed with me as 2026 unfolded. It made me pause and ask a simple but uncomfortable question: What happens to love when we stop being intentional with it?

Islam reminds us that actions are judged by intentions. And marriage, perhaps more than anything else, reflects this truth. Love that is not guided by intention is easily shaped by moods, stress, and circumstance. Love that is intentional becomes worship — even in its quietest forms.

As the year begins, this is a gentle invitation — for you and for me — to step back into our marriages with awareness.

STARTING WITH AN HONEST LOOK BACK

Before we set intentions, we must look back — not to accuse, but to understand. I have noticed that when couples drift, it is rarely dramatic. It happens in small moments: conversations postponed, affection assumed, presence replaced with distraction. No one planned the distance. It simply crept in. An intentional pause asks:

• Where did we grow closer last year?
• Where did we begin to assume instead of appreciate?
• What moments strengthened our bond — and which weakened it?

Awareness is not blame. It is mercy.

LOVING FOR ALLAH BEFORE LOVING FOR EASE

One lesson marriage continues to teach me is this: love that depends solely on comfort struggles during discomfort. But love rooted in Allah remains steady, even when emotions fluctuate. Intentional love sounds like:

• I will choose gentleness even when I am tired.
• I will guard my tongue even when I am frustrated.
• I will seek Allah’s pleasure before insisting on my own way.

This does not mean suppressing feelings. It means directing them. I often ask myself: If Allah were the audience to this moment, how would I respond differently?

LOVING IN WAYS THAT ARE FELT — NOT JUST INTENDED

One of the quiet mistakes many of us make is assuming love is obvious. But love, unexpressed, often feels absent — even when it is deeply present.

The Prophet (PBUH) was expressive in affection. He noticed. He reassured. He spoke kindly. He served his family. He understood that love must be felt, not just believed. Intentional love asks:

• How does my spouse feel most valued?
• Am I loving them the way I prefer — or the way they receive best?

Sometimes, intentional love is as simple as saying what we usually assume is understood.

MAKING SPACE FOR CHANGE AND GROWTH

People evolve. Seasons change. Hearts mature. What I have come to appreciate is that love must grow too — or it risks becoming rigid. Intentional marriages allow room for:

• New dreams
• Changing needs
• Emotional growth
• Spiritual shifts

Instead of resisting change, they walk through it together — curious, patient, and supportive.

PROTECTING THE MARRIAGE DELIBERATELY

Not every frustration deserves an audience. Not every disagreement needs to be shared. One of the most intentional acts of love is protection — of your spouse’s dignity, your home’s peace, and your bond’s privacy.

I have seen how much strength lies in couples who guard each other’s honour, speak kindly in absence, and choose discretion over exposure. What is protected is always preserved.

ONE SIMPLE INTENTION IS ENOUGH

Intentional love does not need grand gestures. Sometimes it begins with:

• A weekly check-in
• A shared du’a before sleep
• One moment of undistracted presence
• One kind act done consciously

Small, sincere intentions — repeated consistently — reshape marriages.

As this year unfolds, perhaps the most important question is not what we want from our marriages, but: “How do I want Allah to witness my love this year?”

Because when love is intentional, it becomes purposeful. And when it is purposeful, it becomes deeply meaningful.

Ya Allah, help us love each other with awareness and mercy. Guide our intentions, soften our hearts, and bless our efforts. Make our love a means of drawing closer to You. Teach us to choose each other — thoughtfully, patiently, and for Your sake. Ameen.