Marriage in the modern era: navigating change and tradition

By Hatmah Naluggwa Sekaaya
Assalaam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh
“Marriage is a beautiful thing,” they say. I wholeheartedly agree. Marriage symbolizes a deep commitment and partnership between two people, bringing joy, support, and shared experiences. However, marriage has undergone significant changes over the years.
Previously, marriages were often arranged, focusing on social or economic alliances. Today, people prioritize love, compatibility, and personal choice. Gender roles have evolved, with more couples sharing responsibilities and decision-making. Societal acceptance of diverse relationship structures has broadened the definition of marriage.
While marriage has evolved, certain principles remain unchanged. For instance, a responsible husband needs peace and tranquillity from his wife (“litasqun ilaihaa”). Your looks are only important during those few minutes of intimacy! A typical husband desires a wife who is listening and obedient, regardless of her lineage, financial, or social status.
Some women may disagree, but this is the reality. If your professional titles make you uncomfortable with obedience to your husband or following his instructions, consider delaying marriage until your pride and ego subside.

But then also, you men do mess things up sometimes! Some marry working-class women to boost their ego, then expect them to become homemakers. While Islam recommends this, problems arise when men refuse to let their wives work and fail to provide adequately.
And when the women insist that they want to work to supplement household incomes, men’s egos are “bruised” and eventually they start to claim that working-class women are difficult to manage – tebagambwako. Do you want a pauper for a wife? Please go for those ones. Stop hooking up with “high – class” women and expect them to shine in your pauper world. It may not work out so easily!
Today, both men and women have lists of qualities for their ideal partner. This is acceptable, but the issue lies in focusing on the other person’s qualities while neglecting self-improvement. Marriage is a two-way street.
Let’s end the blame game of “men are bad, women are worse.” To be treated like royalty in your relationship, don’t be a monster to your partner. May Allah make it easy for all of us, Ameen.
Assalaam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh