In-law dynamics: Protecting your marriage while honouring Family

By Hatmah Nalugwa Ssekaaya

Assalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

Marriage is never just about two people.

It’s about merging entire worlds, including traditions, expectations, habits—and yes, families. In our Ugandan cultural setting, where community is king and family ties run deep, navigating in-law relationships can feel like walking a tightrope. Add the Islamic call to honour parents and elders, and the balancing act becomes even more delicate.

So how can couples protect their bond while still fulfilling their obligations to family? How do you stay “one” in marriage, when it seems everyone has a say in how you love, live, and raise your children?

Here is my gentle but honest look at how to navigate in-law dynamics, with both cultural sensitivity and Islamic wisdom.

Marriage in Islam: A Sacred Covenant

In Islam, marriage (nikah) is not just a romantic union—it’s a spiritual contract. Allah says in the Qur’an:

“And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves, mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.” (Surah Ar-Rum 30:21)

This tranquillity (sukoon) cannot flourish if the marriage is under constant external pressure, however well-intended. Islam highly emphasizes the rights of spouses upon each other and calls for mutual respect, understanding, and support. So, while in-laws are to be respected and cherished, they are not part of the marital decision-making core. That sacred space is for husband and wife.

Honour without enabling harm

We are taught to honour our parents. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:

“Paradise lies at the feet of your mother.”

However, honour does not mean blind obedience—especially if it jeopardizes the peace of your marriage. One wife recently shared with me:

“My mother-in-law meant well, but she constantly undermined my parenting. She would re-do everything I did. At first, I kept quiet. But it built resentment between me and my husband.”

It took an honest, private conversation with her husband to restore boundaries. He didn’t disrespect his mother—he simply stood firm as a husband and father.

Islam teaches adl (justice). Being just means ensuring that neither your spouse nor your family feels neglected or belittled. The Prophet (S.A.W) always balanced his relationships—with his wives, his in-laws, and his companions—with fairness and dignity.

The role of the husband: A bridge, not a battleground

In many cases, tension arises because the husband fails to set healthy boundaries. Out of fear of disappointing his parents or cultural pressure to “keep the peace,” he may become passive or avoidant.

But Islam calls men to leadership—not dominance, but stewardship.

The Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) was gentle, yet firm. He protected his wives from unfair treatment and never allowed their dignity to be compromised—even by relatives. Husbands must emulate that.

When there is tension, don’t force your wife to “endure.” Instead, communicate, mediate, and advocate. Be the bridge that connects, not the battleground that divides.

The wife’s Role: With grace and Du’a

Wives, too, have a role in maintaining harmony. Speak respectfully of your in-laws, especially in front of your husband. If there are issues, address them in private. Make du’a for them. Show kindness—even when it’s hard. Sometimes, soft hearts are changed not by confrontation, but by consistent grace.

Creating boundaries without burning bridges

Boundaries are not walls—they are fences with gates. You can still host, love, and support your in-laws while defining what is acceptable in your home.

• Decide together as a couple how often to host.
• Agree on what input family can have in your finances or parenting.
• Discuss what “honouring” looks like for each of you. Then communicate those boundaries lovingly but also clearly.

A Story from Hatmahz Kitchen

I once catered a nikkah, where the bride and groom’s families had clashed weeks before. But at the event, the couple had created a space that honoured both families—with food, small speeches, and intentional seating. They chose peace. And they didn’t do it by avoiding issues—they addressed them and still made room for everyone at the table. Literally and emotionally. It reminded me that love is a practice. And boundaries? They are love in action.

In-law dynamics don’t have to break a marriage. But they do require both spouses to be intentional. Talk. Listen and pray together. When you put Allah first, and your spouse second only to Him—not family, not culture, not opinions—everything else finds its proper place.

And always remember even the best marriages need a little buffer from too many opinions.

Protect your peace. Guard your bond. Honour your elders. And in doing so, you honour the sanctity of your marriage.

May Allah (S.W) make it easy for all of us…

Ameen.