Confident parenting: Trusting the journey with faith and patience

By Janat Yahaya Naggolola – Parenting Coach

Assalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Dear Parents, let me tell you that parenting is not for the faint-hearted. It is for the brave, for those who embrace the unknown and tackle challenges head-on, even when the outcome is uncertain. As Muslim parents, we are not just raising children. We are nurturing the next generation of believers, instilling in them values that will guide them throughout life.

Some days, parenting feels like standing before a mystery box. One moment, your child is lovingly hugging you, and the next, they are experimenting with toothpaste on the pet at home! If you are navigating the wild ride of parenting, here are a few ways to stay confident and grounded in your role as a Muslim parent:

Know that you don’t need all the answers

There was a time I thought parenting meant always having the right answers. I remember my child once asking, “Mama, if Allah loves us, why do bad things happen?” My instinct was to provide a perfect, wise response, but I froze. I wasn’t sure how to explain it in a way they would understand. That day, I realized that I don’t need to have all the answers. It’s okay to say, “That’s a great question! Let’s learn together.”

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, and every child is different. Confidence as a parent comes from embracing the journey with humility and openness. The Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) himself demonstrated this beautifully. He interacted with children with kindness, understanding, and patience, always meeting them where they were.

🔹 Practical Tip: If your child asks something you don’t know, say: “That’s a good question! Let’s look it up together.” This shows them that learning never stops and that curiosity is a good thing.

📌 Learn from mistakes—Yours and Theirs

I’ll be honest – there have been moments where I lost my patience. Once, after a long, exhausting day, I snapped at my child for making a mess. The look in their eyes broke me. I knew I had been too harsh. That night, I apologized, hugged them, and said, “Mama was tired, but I shouldn’t have shouted. I am sorry.” The next day, when my child got frustrated with their sibling, they took a deep breath and said, “I am sorry, I was upset.” It reminded me that our children learn more from what we do than what we say.

No parent is perfect. We all have moments of weakness, but what matters is how we handle them

🔹 Practical Tip: When you make a mistake, model what you want your child to learn. Say:“I shouldn’t have raised my voice. I will do better next time.” This teaches them that mistakes are okay if we learn from them.

The Prophet (S.A.W) said:

“The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best among you to my family.” (Tirmidhi)

Celebrate even the smallest wins

One evening, my husband and I sat down exhausted after a chaotic day. Just as I was about to complain, he said, “At least we got through the day with no major meltdowns!” That shift in perspective changed everything.

Since then, I have learned to celebrate the small wins:

✔️ Everyone made it to dinner on time? Celebrate!
✔️ No sibling fights today? Celebrate!
✔️ Did your child help with chores without being asked? Celebrate!

Practical Tip: At bedtime, ask your child, “What was something good that happened today?” This cultivates gratitude and reminds them (and you!) that even small joys matter.

Trust in Allah’s plan

Parenting can feel overwhelming, especially when faced with challenges. But in those moments of uncertainty, remind yourself that Allah chose you for this role.

There was a time when one of my children was struggling in school. I worried endlessly, wondering if I was failing as a mother. But then I came across this verse:

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.” (Quran 2:286)

I realized that if Allah trusted me with this child, then He also equipped me with the strength to guide them. From that moment, I placed my trust in Him and took things one step at a time.

Practical Tip: When you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath and say: “Hasbunallahuwa ni’mal wakeel” (Allah is sufficient for us, and He is the best disposer of affairs.) This simple dhikr brings peace to the heart.

Make Dua and ask Allah for guidance

No matter how much we try, we will never have full control over everything in our children’s lives. This is why dua (supplication) is our greatest strength.

The Prophet (S.A.W) would make dua for children, saying:

“I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allah from every devil, from poisonous pests, and from every evil eye.” (Bukhari)

As parents, we must constantly ask Allah for guidance, wisdom, and patience.

Practical Tip: Make dua for your child every day, even if it’s just:
“Ya Allah, protect my child, guide them, and make them among the righteous.”

Parenting is a journey, not a destination

Being a confident parent doesn’t mean having everything figured out. It means embracing the journey with faith, resilience, and trust in Allah. Every struggle, every challenge, and every moment of joy is part of your unique parenting story.

So when things get tough, take a deep breath, trust your abilities, and remind yourself that Allah is with you every step of the way.