“Too tired for love?”: Reclaiming intimacy in busy marriages

By Hatmah Nalugwa Ssekaaya

Assalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

It’s 10:36 PM. The kids are finally asleep. The dishes are half-done. Your eyelids are heavier than a sack of Irish potatoes, and your back feels like it is held together with thread.Your spouse turns to you with that look—part hopeful, part hesitant.

“Babe, do you want to talk? Maybe cuddle a bit?”

You sigh deeply. Not because you don’t love them. But because you are just… tired. Sounds familiar?

In many homes, especially those juggling work, parenting, side hustles, and extended family obligations, romantic energy is one of the first casualties of everyday life. You still love each other. But life keeps interrupting.

From flame to flicker

Remember when you were dating? Long phone calls. Flirty glances. Random gifts. That excitement to see each other?

Fast-forward to marriage. Now, your love is real—but often buried under layers of to-do lists, responsibilities, and exhaustion. And it’s okay. You are not alone.

But it’s also a gentle reminder that love, like firewood in a traditional stove, needs occasional stoking—or it quietly dies out.

Late Night, Low Battery

“I miss us,” Sarah whispered, leaning against the bedroom doorframe.

“But we are right here,” Musa replied, glancing up from his laptop.

“No, we are not. You are working late. I am sleeping early. It’s like we live together, but… don’t see each other anymore.”

He paused. Closed his laptop slowly.

“You’re right. Let’s make time, babe. Not just for chores or errands. But for us.”

Sometimes, intimacy starts with honesty.

The Islamic Perspective

In Islam, affection (mawaddah) and mercy (rahmah) are foundational pillars of marriage: “And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves spouses that you may find tranquillity in them. And He placed between you affection and mercy…” (Qur’an 30:21)

It’s not just about physical intimacy. It’s about emotional closeness. A warm smile. A listening ear. A shared du’a after Fajr.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to race with his wife Aisha (RA), joked with her, and leaned on her for comfort. Even as he led the Ummah, he prioritized tenderness at home.

Small efforts, big Love

Here is how to keep the spark alive—even in busy seasons:

• Mini check-ins:

Ask, “How was your day?” and mean it. Even five minutes of focused listening builds emotional intimacy.

• Schedule us-time:

It doesn’t have to be fancy. A walk to the shops. Chai under the stars. Just the two of you, uninterrupted.

• Touch matters:

A quick hug before work. Holding hands during du’a. Physical touch, even in small doses, nurtures connection.

• Leave love notes (or texts):

A sticky note on the fridge. A cheeky SMS during the day. It reminds them that you

are thinking of them.

• Pray together:

Even one salah side by side creates a spiritual bond that worldly chaos can’t shake.

• Be gentle with each other’s fatigue:

Don’t take it personally. Instead of sulking, ask how you can lighten their load. Love is teamwork.

From Hatmahz Kitchen to you

At Hatmahz Kitchen, we see couples share meals—sometimes in silence, sometimes with laughter, sometimes with heavy eyes and heavier hearts. And we always say: love is found in the little things.

A shared plate of katogo. A warm drink served with care. A soft apology whispered over rice and beef.

Because love isn’t just found in grand gestures—it’s in showing up daily, even when you are tired.

Marriage is not always fireworks. Sometimes it’s just quiet embers burning faithfully. And even in the busyness, exhaustion, and routine, you can still choose love—intentionally, creatively, and  consistently.

So tonight, instead of scrolling your phone in silence, turn to your spouse and whisper, “I miss us.” It might just be the beginning of a beautiful rekindling.

May Allah make it easy for all of us ya rabb … Ameen.