When fathers die while still breathing

Janat Yahaya Naggolola – Parenting Coach

Assalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

“Some heroes don’t wear capes; they wear worn-out shoes, hide tired eyes behind practiced smiles, and carry entire worlds on their shoulders in absolute silence.”

As Ugandans celebrated Hero’s Day on June 9, our attention naturally gravitated towards the bold and the visible, the soldiers, the frontline workers, and the public champions of justice.

Yet today, it is imperative that we pause and turn our gaze towards a hero who often goes unseen, unheard, and at times even unacknowledged, the father.

The man who sacrifices daily not for recognition or accolades, but for the welfare, growth, and stability of his family.

Ahmed: The unnoticed hero

I once crossed paths with Ahmed, an archetype of countless fathers globally.

Each morning, he quietly slips out of his home while his children remain wrapped in peaceful slumber. He ventures into the daily grind of traffic congestion, demanding work environments, and relentless corporate pressures.

Within the confines of his workplace, Ahmed juggles complex responsibilities, suppresses personal frustrations, and fights an internal battle of fear and uncertainty, all while maintaining an outward appearance of composure and strength.

By the time he returns home, the household has quieted. His children are already asleep; his spouse weary from her own responsibilities. Often, his arrival is marked not by conversations, but by silence.

The burdens he carries remain unspoken, the mounting debts, the unpredictable job market, the quiet fears about his children’s futures, and the overwhelming responsibility of being the sole or primary provider.

Ahmed is physically alive, but emotionally, he is slowly dying.

He is not ill, yet his heart is heavy.

He is not aged, but his youthful vigour is quietly diminishing under the weight of his invisible burdens.

A crisis hidden behind masculine expectations

Modern societal norms have created an unhealthy, rigid mold for manhood. Fathers are expected to be unwavering pillars of strength; their value often reduced to their financial capacity. The emotional landscape of fatherhood is widely ignored. Cultural narratives have normalized phrases such as:

“Be a man, don’t cry.”

“Real men don’t show weakness.”

“Your job is to provide, nothing more.”

Consequently, many fathers live under immense emotional and psychological strain, with no safe space to express their vulnerabilities. Their mental health deteriorates in silence as societal pressures push them into emotional isolation.

They are dying emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes even physically, while their service to the family continues uninterrupted.

The father’s elevated responsibility

From the lens of deen, fatherhood carries not only immense responsibility but profound honour.

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) taught:

 “Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock.” (Sahih al-Bukhari & Sahih Muslim)

In Islamic teachings, the role of the father transcends mere provision. He is entrusted with the tarbiyah (nurturing and moral development) of his children, the spiritual leadership of his home, and the emotional well-being of his family. His sacrifices are a form of ibadah (worship), and his silent struggles are not lost to Allah, even when unseen by others.

However, even the greatest of men including our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) demonstrated vulnerability.

The Prophet sought companionship during distress, wept openly during emotional moments, rested when fatigued, and regularly turned to Allah in deep, sincere supplication. He exemplified that true strength lies not in suppression, but in seeking help through faith, community, and open emotional expression.

Islam offers fathers:

• Spiritual grounding, recognizing that ultimate provision comes from Allah alone.
• Permission for vulnerability, acknowledging that expressing emotion is not weakness but a sign of trust and reliance upon Allah.
• Community support, building brotherhoods that share burdens and foster emotional safety.
• Family appreciation, encouraging daily recognition and gratitude for their countless sacrifices.

It’s time to see the father again

When honouring heroes, let us not overlook the father whose love speaks not through words but through action. Let us commit to:

• Seeing him truly, observing his silent struggles and acknowledging his devotion.
• Appreciating him sincerely, offering genuine words of gratitude that affirm his value.
• Supporting him intentionally, creating family cultures where fathers feel safe to express their challenges.
• Encouraging his emotional and spiritual well-being, offering both practical and faith-based avenues for support.
• Praying for him consistently, beseeching Allah to grant him strength, ease his burdens, and reward his sacrifices both in this world and the Hereafter.

At Mynd Your Child, we fully recognize and honour the often-invisible weight carried by fathers in silence.

We firmly believe that when fathers are emotionally whole and spiritually grounded, entire families thrive and when families thrive, the ummah flourishes.

May Allah strengthen every father, lighten their loads, heal their hearts, and elevate their ranks in both worlds. Ameen.