When your partner isn’t romantic

By Hatmah Nalugwa Ssekaaya

Assalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

Let’s face it—romance can be an elusive guest in long-term relationships. For some, it shows up with grand gestures: flowers at the office, surprise dinners, or handwritten notes tucked into handbags. For others, romance is buried somewhere between fixing the sink and doing school pick-ups. And if you are partnered with someone who doesn’t quite speak the language of love the way you do? It’s easy to feel disappointed, maybe even frustrated.

But here’s a gentle truth: just because your partner isn’t romantic in the textbook sense doesn’t mean your love story is lacking. In fact, most strong relationships are built not on fireworks, but on slow-burning embers—the quiet comfort of consistency, loyalty, and little things that often go unnoticed.

Romance, as society sells it, is candlelit dinners and spontaneous kisses in the rain. But reality in a Ugandan home looks more like, “Honey, I bought your favourite mangoes on the way home,” or “I made you tea without sugar because I know you are trying to cut back.” Romance wears local prints and sometimes smells like katogo from the maama naki’skafunda.

Especially after Ramadhan, when spiritual renewal has happened, many couples find themselves wanting to continue connecting deeper—but now with a return to the busyness of regular life. It’s the perfect time to assess: What do you truly need to feel loved? And how can your partner show you care in a way that fits who they are?

A Scene from love: Newlyweds at Hatmahz Kitchen

Just the other day, a young couple sat in one corner here at Hatmahz Kitchen. Newly married—less than a year in. He was comfortably tucking into a mountain of katogo, while she sat, perfectly poised, expectant eyes scanning his face.

Wife: “So… you didn’t plan anything for our 6-month anniversary?”
Husband: (looks up, chewing) “Huh? I brought you here for lunch, didn’t I?”
Wife: “But babe! We come here almost every Sunday.”
Husband: “Exactly. It’s our spot. That’s sentimental.”
Wife: “I wore lip gloss for you. You wore a t-shirt with a hole.” (pointing to where the tiny hole is on the Tee)
Husband: “It’s my lucky shirt! But wait—look, I ordered your favourite juice. That’s romantic, right?”
Wife: (sighs but laughs) “Juice is refreshing. Romance is a picnic under the stars.”
Husband: “With katogo and that juice, of course.” (ha ha haaa)

Moments like this—teasing, half-serious, half-sweet—remind us that romance doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate. Sometimes it’s about remembering the juice she likes, or showing up at a place that means something to both of you.

Managing expectations without killing the spark

Here is how to keep love warm even when your partner isn’t Prince (or Princess) Charming:

Love matures. It gets quiet. Sometimes clumsy. But with a little patience, laughter, and open-hearted communication, even the most “unromantic” partners can become incredibly romantic—on their own terms.

So, the next time you are tempted to say, “You are not romantic enough,” pause and look for the quieter signs. You just might realize that love has been sitting right across from you—offering you your favourite juice, wearing that holey shirt you hate, and loving you the best way he knows how.